What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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