Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"