i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.