Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight