So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
