So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
