he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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