I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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