I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
