$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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