I have demons in me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
