but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
