Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
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We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.