i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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