I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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