i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
