I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
