and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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