I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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