I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
