Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
