Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
