I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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