bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
