I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
