He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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