this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
