oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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