The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
