the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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