she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
