he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
