I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
