I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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