Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
