You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
