That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
should my penis look like a turkey
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
