My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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