I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
