so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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