apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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