we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my shit smells like andre
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
