Where is the hickey?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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