I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Blow job season was short but glorious.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
