I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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