i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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