I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
