is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.