the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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