I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
