i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
