she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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