R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
