Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
