Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
