It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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