My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
