suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
