OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
