I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
