He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
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I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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