When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
