Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
