You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
