You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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