maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
