I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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