so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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