I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So squirting runs in the family.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
