Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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