Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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