how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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