My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
