he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
