I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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