the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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