Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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